Beating an Argument into the Dirt & Pouring it Down the Sink

"To Not Conclude an Argument is to Waste Time"

Learn to Argue effectively without being a total prat and hurting the other person or wasting time.

First of all: Remember this is someone you love and care deeply about. They have feelings, and they get hurt just like you do. It might be someone you have to work with or a family member, so the best way to finish an argument is to come to an agreement that leaves both people happy. Keep a goal to the argument, otherwise you will never fix it. Respect this person and keep calm, because after this argument you both want to be able to talk and have fun together without questioning what insults or whatnot were said during the heat of the argument. Better yet avoid the heat, keep it cool and both glide through the argument to the point of resolution and closing the argument.

Assume: When you assume, you "Make and ASS of U and ME". Do not make assumptions, do not assume the worst. If the other person says something with two meanings one that is good and one that is bad, they probably meant the good one. Assuming they mean the bad one is leading you down a bad path and argument. So leave assumptions out of it, as best as you can. Don't assume they're aspring to hurt you either.

Running Away: Unless there is violence or mental abuse, don't run away from the argument. Don't shut the person out, cover your ears and go "lalala", don't hang up on them, or disappear. If you need some fresh air. Go for a walk around the block a few times, come back and hopefully then you have both thought enough to sort it out. Just don't completely ignore or run away from the argument, this will not fix or solve the issue, it will prolong it or even make it worse. Tell the other person you need to calm down, go for a walk, and then once you're both calmer try to discuss the issue again. Do not try to bury the argument this will not solve it.

Public Arguing: Do not argue in public, if there is a problem try to get somewhere private as soon as possible! It makes it hard on people around, and can alter how each individual in the argument will behave. Same applies for open to the public/friends social networks such as the wall or status on facebook.

Cyber Arguing: Arguing through chat, social network sites, private messaging or chat. Don't do it. Things are misunderstood and can cause further argument. It is best to talk in person, over the phone and a fine line allows texting because some problems can be resolved in this way. Also messaging/any typing argument means yes you think more about what you say, but you also both talk over each other and don't really read/hear what the other is saying.

Insults: Do not name call, stereotype, categorise each other, do not blame it on the whole gender, it's between two people not the world. Name-calling will stick with someone even after an argument, it also veers away from the actual problem and can result in endless words that aren't really to do with the problem that caused the argument.

Pointless Arguments: Things you can't change should not be fought about. If you partner has a good looking boss, get over it, they're with you. If you hate their parent, get over it, it's their parent. Until they start saying how attractive their boss is. Then it's no issue.

Talking Over Each Other: This is the stupidest way to argue, nothing is heard or understood. First one speaks, then the other should not be retaliating with their side to the argument, they need to listen, understand and repeat their understanding of the issue. Before you can refute an argument, you need to understand the other persons point of view, stop disclosing it as something stupid that doesn't matter, if it matters to them, then it matters and needs to solved. Without understanding each other one or both may feel like there is no resolution, which can cause resentment.

Winning the Argument: An argument is not about who wins and who loses, who has to apologise and who doesn't. The aim is to come out of the argument both happy and alive, to feel that you have both come to an agreement or negotiation, that there is a conclusion that works for both people. Do not aim to win. Aim to close the argument without either one feeling unheard, unappreciated, resentment.

Comparing to Others: Do not compare the other person to anyone else, treat them as an individual, not "You're just like my Ex", really try to avoid the Ex word COMPLETELY. Do not class a male as just bein male or a female as just being a female, he or she is an individual with his/her own beliefs, values and opinions. Don't bring other people into the argument, if you are arguing about someone, then it shouldn't be an argument between you two, just a resolution and an apology.

Breaking Up/Divorce/Getting a new Friend: Do not threaten with breaking up or divorce, if you will over something, then do it. If you need them to understand it's something that is against your values, morals, etc then you probably should say that. Same applies for saying I could get another bf/gf/best friend/etc, it's a threat and it's hurtful.

Going to Bed Angry: Another no-no, this will lead to a bad nights sleep and the possibility of resentment following through to the next day, whatever you have to do, both should try to let the argument subside, kiss and make up then go to sleep.

Making Patterns: Avoid using the word "Always", when we are upset it is very easy to think they "always" do this, "always" do that. The amount of times it has occured has wounded you but it doesn't mean they do that one bad thing "always". Also unless you have brought up the issue before, how is the other person going to know how you have felt all this time, try to explain, you have felt that way before, but now it's just building up. But do not say they do it "always", like it's only started bothering you now.

Challenges: Do not make dares. Do not challenge each other. But if they challenge your premises then be ready to explain them rationally. Do not categorise it as a man thing to do or a woman thing to do. Be exact and precise as to why that is how it is for you. Also be ready to be wrong. Allow the opportunity that you are not always right, and sometimes there is no such thing as right and wrong, but both people may be somewhat right and somewhat wrong, but we'll focus on both being right as that's a positive.

Leading the Argument: Nobody is or should be the boss of the Argument, nobody can call shots on when it closes. It should be a mutual agreement and a resolution is the only way to actually close the argument.

Being Wrong: An extent from the challenges. It is okay to be wrong. Do not feel bad if you are wrong on this occasion and do not berate the other if they are wrong. Mistakes should be swept under a carpet and forgotten about, if someone is wrong, as so commonly happens, let it be forgotten. Otherwise you'll harm the other person which may lead to resentment.

Swallow Your Pride: Stop making it all about the other being wrong, and take a look that maybe you are wrong or unclear. Eg. Do not say "You misunderstood me", say "I mustn't have made that very clear". Stop trying to be dominant, wether male or female, this is not a time to be dominant or controlling in general or of the argument.

Keep to the Point: This one is actually something TO DO. Keep to the point don't start going off track. Know what the problem is, and back it up too. Saying something without having a back up will get you nowhere. Do not bring up things from the past that have been resolved. It's in the past. Do not talk about past partners or mistakes.

Draw Boundaries: Some people will berate you and verbally abuse you to no end. Allowing them to do so is wrong. If they won't talk about the issue or consider a part of it as their fault/issue too, then nothing can be resolved. Draw some boundaries so that they can't carry on without the main issues being dealt with. This does not mean ignoring them till they cool down and come crawling to you in tears and apologising. Ask how they feel, what they want, then repeat your understanding, eventually they'll realise they've talked about the issue without realising it.

Talk about Feelings: Tell the other how it makes you feel, that's how you should start out the argument, not with "You are ...." and other insults and abuse.

Ask Questions: If you do not understand the other person, then ask questions. Or if they are asking you a question do not start talking to them like a baby or a retard, treat them equally and respect that not everyone knows the exact same information as each other. Do not shout or use laymans terms in an effort to directly or indirectly insult them, if you are friends or a couple or a family member, you know they are intelligent enough for conversation and thus deserve such respect.

Respect Each Other: Respect their opinion, it is their right to think or feel the way they do, you both need to respect each other to come to a happy close.

Let them Win: Not literally, I mean it's about being mutual, but trying to have the last word, will mean you both carry on and on and on FOREVER. Stop this from happening by stopping right when it gets to the last word point. And the last words should be Sorry anyway.

Keep a Cool Head: Don't heat up over the argument, keep it cool, this will help the other person to remain calm, instead of it getting louder and louder, more abusive, and more harmful to one or both of the people.

It Takes Two: There is one healthy way to recognise a good resolution, one that leaves both happy. Every argument is different, but for a happy ending, you need to understand there are two people in the argument, two people with a problem, one might be too sick/lazy to do a job, the other wants them to do the job. It is neithers fault entirely. An argument is not resolved until both parties have apologised and discussed a ways to change, so that they can both go forward without worrying about the past (present argument).

Time to Resolve the Argument: You know the time where you are happy again, and you're over it, that time, well tell the other person, I'm ready for us to resolve the issue. Because sometimes one is ready, then the other doesn't realise, keeps going, and aggrivates the other once again, dragging out an argument way past it's use by date. Also Time is not the key to resolving the argument. We are. Both parties in the argument are responsible and only they can resolve it, time will only make the issue scar, but it won't go away.

Be Prepared to Make Change or Alterations: If one solution that is one persons goal of the other, but the other will not accept this, then both should try to see alternative solutions that leave BOTH happy with the end result. There is never just one solution, keep an open mind to other solutions.

Fight to the Finish: Finally, if you do not close an argument it sticks in one or both peoples heads, maybe not there all the time, but it's there. You can't just ignore it and hope the other person finally stops caring, they're more likely to stop caring about you. Closing the argument is the most important part, otherwise you've wasted all that time arguing and being upset. Think of an argument as finding a close that leaves both people happy, no winning or losing, just resolving the issue in a negotiative and fair way.

Apologise and Accept: Accept the final decision, ensuring you both are happy with the outcome, and apologise. We all make fools of ourselves and say stupid things that we may not even mean. It's both your faults, the argument began because someone got hurt, accept that people get hurt, apologise for hurting them. Apologise for overreacting or whatever, but make sure the conclusion is a happy one. Make sure you don't leave an argument hanging. Apologise and CLOSE THE ARGUMENT.



Concocted by myself with the help of information from the following websites:

http://www.krannert.purdue.edu/faculty/rau/funny/argue.htm

http://www.associatedcontent.com/article/2539235/arguing_without_fighting_cardinal_rules_pg5.html?cat=25

http://www.country-couples.co.uk/datingtips/6-rules-for-arguing-in-a-relationship/

http://www.goodtoknow.co.uk/relationships/261042/Arguing--Don-t-name-call-and-keep-to-the-point

http://www.scatmania.org/2005/08/10/10-rules-for-arguing-effectively/

http://peacefulplanetcommunication.com/2010/06/09/from-argument-to-agreement-7-tips-for-difficult-discussions/

http://www.sciencechatforum.com/viewtopic.php?f=67&t=15875

Live and Learn or GTFO!

#1 Get A Job: Once you have the free time for a job, you get a job.

pay your parents some cash, they did you a big favour bringing you into the world.

Hold A Job: Don't go in looking like you've been out all night, even if you have, cover up the dark circles, put on a smile, always do a little extra. Don't be a slack or everyone will start to hate you. Think about work confidentiality, keep the numbers to yourself, don't talk badly about the company to other parties, respect your co-workers and employer.

#2 Get Your License: So if your parents can't or won't help, refer to #1 and get and hold a job, this way you can afford lessons and eventually a car.

Hold Your License: Not in your hand, probably you wallet. But don't be stupid, don't drink and drive, you may live, but you might get caught, don't speed, you don't get many demerit points in the first place, keep to the speed limit, and watch what other idiots on the road are doing.

#3 Get A GF/BF: Don't be a tosser or a sl** about it, nobody likes an arse, be confident, courageous, and have fun. that's the true hotness, not being a jerk or sleeping with 20 men.

Hold A GF/BF: Listen to each other, respect each other and each others opinions, TALK and not about footy or romance, I mean yeah sometimes sure.. but really talk, about what you like/want in the relationship, sexually, emotionally, objectively. This is where you should really learn how to co-exist in a happy way. Also remember to FIGHT and then find closure in the argument, and then have sex.

#4 Get A Pet (if getting a GF/BF is too hard): Not from your local petshop, a farm, and hopefully not a breeder, do some research, ask your veterinarian, and also check out the shelters before making a final decision.

Hold A Pet: Both literally hold and hug, but keeping it - Love it, feed it (but not too much), keep fresh clean water out for it at ALL times, give it attention, touch, play, excite it's senses with smells and enrichment (toys). Have fun.

#5 Get A Life: Stop assuming that friends will come find you and be in command, go out, meet people, have a blast, get a contact.

Hold A Life: Make the plans to meet up, if they keep bailing, ditch them, make plans with anyone that shares the slightest interest in being your friend, don't bail on plans, don't complain about no money, it shouldn't cost to hang out, make time for your friends, instead of them making all the time for you. Just keep in mind to respect job and GF/BF obligations.

So that's the bare basics to it. Now Live and Learn or GTFO!

The Written Unwritten Rules

It is wrong to date your exes family or close friends.

It is also wrong to date your family or close friends ex.

It is wrong to expect the other to pay for everything when you go out.

It is also wrong to pay for everything and never ask if the other can pay once in a while.

It is wrong to not invite your gf or bf to a mixed gender event.

It is also wrong to hang out with a group of the opposite sex without inviting your gf/bf.

It is wrong to expect to be invited along to your gf/bf's same sex event.

It is also wrong to invite them to a same sex event (Unless have permission from friends).

It is wrong to insult anothers family and friends.

It is also wrong (or a bad idea) to insult your own family and friends. (Letting off steam is different).

It is wrong to let your gf/bf think they're just like a million other fish in the sea.

It is also wrong to place them up on a pedestal like they're perfect.

It is wrong to expect a BJ or HJ when a girl is on her monthlys.

It is also wrong for a girl to deny her man any sexual pleasure everytime it hits that time of month.

It is wrong to expect sex on a particularly day or date, you can just as easily masturbate.

It is also (kind-of) wrong to deny your gf/bf sex on a special occasion.

It is wrong to force your gf/bf to do something for you (sexually).

It is also wrong to not ask for something you'd like (sexually) once in a while.

It is wrong to tell your gf/bf of all the hot friends you have.

It is also wrong to say every one of them is hideous. (What are you? A shallow b*tch/jerk?)

It is wrong to lie to someone overweight and say they're skinny.

It is also wrong to say they're one fat heffer.

It is wrong to expect someone to shave "down there".

It is also wrong to expect someone to go down on a hairy muff.

It is wrong to expect your gf/bf to be as good as the pornstars.

It is also wrong if you/your partner don't try to improve or you act like dead fish.. where is the love?

It is wrong to tell your gf/bf that they wouldn't like something, just by your assumption.

It is also wrong to expect them to like something just because you like it.

It is wrong to talk to someone of the opposite sex when complaining or letting off steam about your gf/bf.

It is also wrong to talk to your gf/bf when you should be letting of steam with someone else.

It is wrong to treat your gf/bf as dumb.

It is also wrong to let them think they're right if it could harm them, or embarrass them down the track.

It is wrong to force your gf to watch porn.

It is also wrong to deny her from it completely.

It is wrong to expect your bf to only watch chick flicks with you.

It is also wrong for him to refuse everytime (if your watching his choices of movies too).

It is wrong to deny your gf/bf or friend the chance to study and keep up on work.

It is also wrong to deny you gf/bf or friend the chance to see you, and focus too heavily on your study.

It is wrong to flirt around your gf/bf to others, or in places they will see it.

It is also wrong to never flirt, as you will feel unloved, , but do it with someone you could never develop any feelings for.

It is wrong to expect your bf/gf to never look at other men/women.

It is also wrong to do it obvious and noticably all the time, specially drool, unless you want to upset your mr/missus.

It is wrong to leave your friend or gf/bf to their own vices if you upset them

It is also wrong to comfort them all the time, or the upset may become habit.

It is wrong to say sorry all the time, and admit you are wrong every time (generally both people did bad).

It is also wrong to never say sorry, and allow the other to always be in the wrong/bad.

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